i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I touched a dick in church today
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
