I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize