I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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