...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
