Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
