brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize