mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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