I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
