I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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