I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
