I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm too high and old for this...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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