Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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