How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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