Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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