All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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