Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
