i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize