Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
