dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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