Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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