honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
