Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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