Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize