oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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