Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize