You really coming over, don't trick.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
