from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
