I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
