I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
as a side note pls kill me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
