I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
