oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
FUCK WHALES
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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