Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
