Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize