i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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