he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You don't make any sense
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