so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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