They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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