Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
