Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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