3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
