toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize