I think my fart just growled at me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
