soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
