you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
