All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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