She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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