she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
