if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
