I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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