I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
