her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
