just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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