Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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