CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
