Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
