like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
