How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's the barista slut.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
