He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
