I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
