I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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