did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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