There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
