is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
