So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
