yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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