my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize