They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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