I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Two words: blizzard sex
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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