just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
