all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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