Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
