NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
